"Changes In A Week, Changes In A Heart", by Jenn K.
Copyright © 2001, Age 15
"Guess who I just talked to?" Laura asked. Though I only saw her side view, I knew Laura had a big smile on her face.
"Oh my God, you didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t." Taking off her purse and running her hands through her soft pulled-back black hair, Laura said, "I had a little conversation with your friend Stan." "Laura!" I breathed out long and hard and started to laugh. "What happened?" I felt my heart stuck in my throat, afraid of what Laura could have said to Stan.
Laura turned away still smiling and I waited. "Last period in French, I went up to him and said, 'You’re on the swim team right?' Then I’m like, 'Do you know a girl Jenn?' He says, 'How did you know we knew each other?’ So I said, 'Well I saw a picture of both of you in her locker.'" Laura laughed as I tried to take this in.
"Is that all?" I said, rubbing my usual cold hands together, curling them up. Laura swallowed hard. "He’s like, ‘Oh yeah, we do a lot together.'" "Oh my god, he said that?" I felt as though my smile was open like a fun house. "Yes," Laura chuckled. "Do you guys do a lot together?" "Yeah, but...wow." "Oh really?" She questioned. "That’s cool. So then he goes, ‘I wanna take her this weekend to play laser tag.’" "Laser tag?! Wow, he said that? What else did he say?" "That’s basically it." Laura turned back to her locker.
Too excited to keep this to myself, I ran to Elisha, who always started off our conversations by saying, "Did he ask you out yet?" For the past week, that’s all Elisha’s been asking me. "God that kid is starting to annoy me. I’m going to have to talk to him. You should call him up and be like, ‘look, when are you going to ask me out?’"
During gym class, while Laura went to jog with her other friends, Elisha whispered to me, motioning me to come closer. "Don’t tell Laura I told you this because she doesn’t want you to know yet. Laura told me that in their conversation Stan said he’s going to ask you out." "Oh my God. Me? Really? Really! Oh wow!" "Jenn, quiet! Breathe will ya!?" She slapped her hand across my stomach and laughed at the fact that she’s never seen someone react this way to this type of situation. "You’re going to hurt yourself the way you’re acting!"
"What’s up?" Stan bumped up against me hooking his arm with mine catching up to my pace. I looked up, moving my honey-colored hair behind my ear and returned his hello. “Nice varsity jacket. Now let’s see how long you can keep it clean.”
“The swimmer on the back came out great. I was afraid it would look like Nathan’s cause you told me not to order it from the school.” “Yeah, it did come out good. Mine is an older picture.” “But it still looks good.” “Well I make everything look good.” He grinned. “So how was your day?” I gave a half smile. “Would have been better if I was with you.” “Sure could have used ya in my day,” I sighed. “Aw, bad day?” “Eh, little things here and there.” “Well I hate to see you like this. What are your plans for tonight?” I felt the mixture of shock and excitement penetrate through my bloodstream. He was going to ask me to play Laser Tag just like Laura had told me. “I don’t have anything planned besides swim practice.”
“Pfft, you swim too much. The high school is enough for me. You need a break. RELAX Jenn, do you still remember what that word means?” He put his arm around my shoulders as my hair blew in all places from the prevailing winds. “It means to sleep IN. Lock your door, close the blinds, and throw the covers over your head.” “Yeah like I have time to do that...not when I’ve qualified to go to North Carolina and compete against other swimmers throughout the whole country.” “Have you ever played laser tag?” “No, but I know what it is. It sounds like fun from what I’ve heard.” “Ahh...thought so. Ok, this evening, if you’re not busy, there’s a place in West Windsor.” “Sure, if that’s what you want to do. How does the game work?” “Stick with me, you’ll learn real quick. Trust me, it’s not brain surgery.” We stopped in front of my bus and he dug his hand into his pocket after he brought his arm down from around me. “Do you wanna come over before laser tag and rent a movie?” I asked. “Of course. What movie do you want me to pick up?” “Whatever you want.” “What about what you want? We can do things that you like to do too, Jenn.” “We just did that last week when we went to see Head Over Heels! I wanted to see that movie. And anyway, we can do things we both like. It’s your turn to pick something to do together.” “Hmm...fair enough. Even though it’s a cartoon, I want to see Dinosaur.” “You and your cartoons. Ok, sounds good.” He flashed me a smile and headed back to his bus as the sky turned a darker gray.
Over my house that evening, we made fajitas, though more of the sour cream was on ourselves rather than on the tortillas. After Stan altered my AIM profile saying Hi my names Jenn, and I think Stan is amazing, he said, “Come on, let’s go on the couch.” He made the popcorn and closed the blinds while I set up the tape, before plopping down. He lay on a pillow, his long legs curved around with the sofa. I hung my legs over the sofa’s armrest, resting my arm on the pillow Stan cuddled. As the previews were showing, the popcorn in the microwave beeped and we took a minute to get settled once again. Relaxing in the same position, we watched the movie Dinosaur and enjoyed it although I had no interest in watching animated dinosaurs talk. I only enjoyed being with him and because it was a movie he wanted to see, I grew to like it. Stan made it so much fun to watch. At times I felt a little uptight being with him because we were alone.
“Jenn,” he spoke quietly as the movie progressed, brushing his hands past mine. “Your hands are so cold.” He held my hand and put it under the pillow with his. I could feel him running his fingers up and down mine, warming them up. So soft and so pleasant, that when he stopped, I prayed to God he would keep going. From time to time, Stan would use his hands to tickle me and mess up my hair. But most of the time, the hand that wasn’t under the pillow laid across my stomach, back, and even over my head as he sometimes unexpectedly poked me to see me jump and giggle. Being with him made me feel special and too lucky. The touch of his hands brought me into a different light where it was just he and I. There were no such things as swim practice, school, fears, and worries. It felt so calm and perfect like a beach ball getting tossed with the ocean breeze. He showed me I don’t have to be shy. “I know when I’m not around you’d be singing and dancing. As much charm I have, you don’t have to be shy around me.” By the time the movie ended, it was completely dark in the room because the sun had set hours ago. “Guys, I’ll drop you off now,” My mom called from the kitchen. “Awww,” Stan groaned. “I’m too tired.” We were both too relaxed and comfortable to move. Soon, I grabbed his hands and tried pulling him up, but because he was taller and stronger, I simply got pulled back down on him.
The whole ride there, Stan hooked arms with mine and rested my hand on his leg. “If anyone asks you who you’re going out with, say you’re married to me.” And after he told me having two Jenn’s would be great, not just great but Tony The Tiger grrreeeeat, a song called “The Call” by the Backstreet Boys came on. “This song reminds me of you.” He said. The song played. “Let me tell you about the call that changed my destiny.” I listened to the words as he smiled at my concentration.
“Hi we made reservations for Stan and Jenn.” After getting excited playing video games that he always won, laser tag began. All the players on the green team and the red team were geared up with the headset, laser gun, and the belt pack, my number was unlucky 13. Running around in the dark with neon lights and obstacles using your gun to shoot players on the opposite team was so much fun. Game after game after game, I was loving it after Stan had explained all the rules to me. “How many times have you played this?” I asked as I went to the machine to charge my small plastic gun. “This is my 20th time.” He smiled at my amazement and happiness. “This is our last game so here’s the plan. We go hide in a corner and when the other team passes by not seeing us, we shoot them.” “Awesome.” I agreed. And awesome didn’t just speak for the plan we just made up. The music was too loud to hear ourselves speak but when everyone passed by us, we would simply shoot them and laugh at the fact that we were more like cheating. “Oh shoot!” Stan covered his hands in front of his face and covered my head in his lap. “Someone found us.” He cracked up as he tried to keep us from not getting shot. “Game Over.” The recording in our headset mumbled as the lights flickered on and the music turned off. Everyone on both teams came together and conversed the five fun games played.
“What’s your number?” Stan dialed my number on his cell phone and handed it to me, rubbing his hand on my arm. “I’ll go get our coats.” The building shut down so we had to wait outside in the snowy night. Putting his hands in his pocket, Stan handed me my score sheets from laser tag because I had no pockets to hold them in. Right before I took the score cards, I saw the money I had given him for laser tag folded in between. “Oh no Stan.” I pushed his hand away. “What?” “I can’t take the money back.” “Yes you can. Jenn, it was my treat.” “Aw Stan,” I took the money and papers. “Not even five dollars?”
“No Jenn. This is my treat to you” “That is so nice. Thank you so much.” We walked across the parking lot and up the hill to sit on the damp picnic table. Getting up, Stan dragged his foot in the snow to spell the letters J-E-N-N and drew a big smiley face around it. All I could do was smile and look into his eyes as he told me how much he hated snow. Minutes later, we walked back across the parking lot and Stan leaned against the cold brick as I balanced myself along the curb. “Come here, you’re warm.” He wrapped his arms around me in the dark vacant parking lot. We stayed peacefully silent, until we jumped up, blinded by my mom’s car headlights. Why couldn’t she just have gotton lost?!
When I closed my eyes that night in love, all I could see were red and green blinking lights from laser tag and I replayed the evening until I fell into a deep sleep.
Days passed. I didn’t have any classes with Stan, and hardly ever passed by him in the halls. I did get his “hello’s” through Laura though. Elisha told me she was talking to Laura and told me Laura said that now Stan thinks of me as a sister. “A sister?” “I know it doesn’t make sense.” Elisha commented. “I mean he already has a sister.” “Jenn. Relax, that’s only what Laura said. Just look at all the things he’s done with you. You guys are practically going out.”
The good thing though, is that I talked to him online every night. I noticed however, as each day went on, his words didn’t seem to be as charming as they used to be and he seemed less talkative. “Did you invite Laura to your bowling birthday party?” The blood burned around my heart. Well now that you asked, NO. “Only if I have extra room. Why?” “I just wanted to beat her.” He typed in one of those smiley faces which only made a tear roll down my cheek. Is he telling me to invite Laura so he can spend time with her?
The next day I saw Laura had Stan’s screen name written by him on her hand. I felt totally depressed and then figured I was just overreacting. Elisha is always scooping up information for me on Stan that I’m not supposed to know. We were at my occasional locker meeting stop when she gave me the next update. “I shouldn’t tell you this because it’s not true and I don’t want you to even think about it. So just forget what I’m going to say. Amy told me Stan is not going to ask you out cause you won’t give him any.” “But Stan is not like that! He would never say that.” “I know that’s what I told her after throwing a dollar at her to find that out. Don’t worry Jenn, she’s just jealous.” Later that day I passed Stan in the hall, and he asked, “Are we going to the movies tonight?” We had planned a month ago to see the movie “See Spot Run” when it came out.
I looked up at him in a different way than I usually did, “If you want to.” So that night we ended up going to the movies. It felt much more quiet and uncomfortable than it usually did. Stan didn’t tease me as much with his charming ways and we simply seemed less talkative although I still had a good time.
Next day was a snow day and I spent the time chatting online. Stan soon came on. Debating whether I really should take the chance of talking to him to see if everything was ok, I pushed the enter button as I felt water build up in my eyes. “Is something wrong?” “Huh?” “Well, I dunno, you just seem different.” “I’ve had a lot on my mind.” “I know what you mean, me too.” “Oh shoot, I got to go.” He signed off and I sat still, wondering if he really had to go. Hours later he came back on and we finished the conversation. It had come to the point where he said we should just be friends. “I am just confused about how everything changed and you think it’s all been friendship.” I spoke softly to Stan. “I was misled and it hurts now for you to say we had nothing going on.” I took a deep breath and continued typing. “Maybe now you’re into another girl, but...I’ve never had a dream come true till the day that I found you.” “Hey! You stole that from a song!” I laughed uneasily as Stan probably did. “Jenn, Jenn, Jenn. The reason I’m not asking you to be my girlfriend is my problem in my head. You click as a little sister.” I gasped. My friends were right? Trying to avoid what he had just said I continued. “You really think that’s how it felt?” “I more than enjoy having fun with you and such and I’m not walking away from you. I’ll be honest at times no it didn’t, but the other 98% of the time, I think of you as my little sister.”
“Okay, if you wanna be friends, I will not say no as to having you as a good friend.” “Just because I said we’re just going to be friends, not everything is going to collapse and go away. I for one still plan on cooking, watching movies with you, going laser tagging, and going to Great Adventure. Jenn, trust me. There will be many guys in your life that will make you feel special.”
I took my hands off the keyboard and tried to control my tears. I learned that I shouldn’t cry because it’s over, only smile because it happened.
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